The Conflict Pattern Reset

A focused, six-week engagement for couples caught in repeating conflict

How the Conflict Pattern Reset Works

The Conflict Pattern Reset is a structured, time-limited process designed to change what happens in the moment when difficult conversations begin to slide into familiar outcomes.

The Reset follows a clear structure, but the work itself is never formulaic. The process remains attuned to the fact that each couple brings a different emotional history, different sensitivities, and different ways of responding under pressure. The patterns may be common, but the people are always unique.

Rather than working primarily through reflection or post-conversation analysis, the focus is on live interaction: the points at which tone shifts, defensiveness rises, or a familiar pattern starts to take control. Those are the moments when escalation becomes likely—and where intervention must occur if the outcome is to change.

Over six weeks, the work centers on:

The aim is not explanation for its own sake, but increased steadiness, flexibility, and choice when it matters most.

What This Work Addresses

Recurring conflict is rarely driven by a single topic or unresolved issue. More often, it is maintained by interaction patterns that:

• activate quickly
• operate outside conscious choice
• reliably pull conversations toward the same outcome

Once these patterns are in motion, even thoughtful, well-intentioned partners can find themselves reacting in ways that feel familiar, regrettable, or out of character.

The purpose of the Conflict Pattern Reset is to interrupt these loops so conversations regain stability, responsiveness, and the capacity to move forward.

Why the Work Is Structured This Way

The structure of the Conflict Pattern Reset is the result of many years of close work with couples, during which certain moments in conflict repeatedly proved decisive.

Over time, the same moments in conflict showed a striking consistency across different relationships and different presenting problems: moments when emotion begins to overrun intention, when familiar reactions take over, and when the course of a conversation quietly but reliably shifts.

The Reset was shaped around these recurring points of loss of choice, because when conflict patterns are at work, other changes are often extremely difficult to bring about.

The framework is therefore narrow by design: not a broad program meant to address everything at once, but a focused distillation of where patterns tend to take hold and where careful, real-time intervention can make a lasting difference.

What Many Couples Begin to Notice

When recurring patterns start to loosen their hold, couples often describe changes less in terms of “solutions” and more in terms of how the relationship begins to feel different.

Common shifts include:

• less background tension after difficult conversations
• fewer moments of walking on eggshells or bracing for the next argument
• a reduced sense of “here we go again” when familiar topics arise
• quicker return to calm and connection after disagreement
• more feeling of being on the same side, even when views differ
• a growing sense that conversations can be entered without immediately preparing for impact

These are not dramatic transformations, and they are not uniform across all couples.
They are gradual changes in the emotional climate that make it easier to stay present, to listen, and to respond rather than react when pressure is high.

The purpose of the Conflict Pattern Reset is not to create constant harmony, but to reduce the grip of the patterns that repeatedly turn ordinary differences into exhausting or distancing exchanges.

Is This the Right Fit for You?

This engagement is most appropriate for couples who:

• are thoughtful, capable, and self-aware
• feel worn down by recurring conflict rather than in acute crisis
• recognize their patterns but struggle to change them in real time
• value disciplined, focused work within a clearly defined structure
• are willing to engage actively for a limited, concentrated period

It is less suitable if the primary need is crisis stabilization, mediation, intensive psychotherapy, or immediate reconciliation.

Structure and Commitment

The Conflict Pattern Reset is offered as a six-week, prepaid engagement, with a limited number of openings at any given time..

Details of structure, expectations, and fees are discussed after an initial conversation and only if there appears to be a good mutual fit.

A Measured Next Step

Participation begins with a brief initial conversation to determine whether this approach is appropriate.

That conversation is focused, confidential, and non-obligating.
If the Reset is not the right fit, I will say so directly.

Request an initial conversation