For Psychotherapists
A referral resource for clinicians whose individual work is being limited by a client’s recurring relational conflict.
If you work with individuals, you have almost certainly encountered this situation. A client is doing genuine work — developing insight, building self-awareness, making real progress — and yet their gains are being consistently undermined by a recurring pattern at home. What they understand in session does not reliably transfer to the moments that matter most in the relationship.
The Conflict Pattern Reset is designed to be a clean referral in precisely those circumstances: a contained, time-limited intervention that works directly on the relational pattern, without touching your therapeutic relationship or requiring you to step outside your role.
Taking the couple into conjoint work is one option, but it is not always the right one. The partner who is not in treatment may be concerned about bias. You may be concerned about being drawn into an adjudicating role that complicates the work you have already built. Or the relational pattern may simply be outside the focus of what you and your client are doing together. A referral out addresses all of those concerns cleanly.
What the Work Does
The Conflict Pattern Reset works at the level of live interaction — the specific sequence of trigger, emotional reaction, and protective response that has become automatic between the partners. Rather than focusing on history or individual psychodynamics, it focuses on the interactional pattern itself: what activates it, what sustains it, and where a well-timed intervention can restore the capacity for a different response.
The approach is present-focused and behavioral in its emphasis, though it draws on the recognition — familiar to any clinician — that understanding a pattern and being free of it are not the same thing. The work is structured to operate at the level where the pattern actually runs, rather than at the level of explanation alone.
The engagement runs for six weeks, by Zoom, with both partners present in each session. It does not involve diagnosis, does not address individual psychopathology, and is not open-ended. It has a defined scope and a defined endpoint.
How It Complements Your Work
The Reset is designed to run in parallel with individual therapy without interrupting it. It does not require you to alter your treatment focus, coordinate care in any complex way, or maintain an ongoing relationship with me unless you choose to. Many therapists find that after the Reset concludes, their individual work with the client moves more freely — with less session time absorbed by the relational impasse and more available for the work you were already doing.
I do not work with the individual psychodynamics of either partner. I do not take sides, offer interpretations of individual behavior, or explore personal history beyond what is directly relevant to the interaction pattern. The individual therapeutic relationship remains yours.
Should something surface in the course of the work that has material bearing on your clinical relationship with the client — a disclosure, a development, or a change in the presenting picture — I will contact you promptly, with the client’s knowledge and consent, to ensure continuity of care.
Background
I hold a graduate degree from Yale University and spent over thirty years as a psychotherapist in private practice, with post-graduate training at two psychotherapy institutes. That clinical work included two years consulting with a radiology oncology practice, working with patients, families, and clinical staff under conditions of sustained pressure and loss.
I subsequently completed coach training at iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) and hold a Certified Professional Coach designation recognized by the International Coaching Federation. The Conflict Pattern Reset draws on both bodies of training.
I work with a maximum of eight couples at any given time. That limitation is deliberate — it is what allows the work to remain genuinely individualized. I understand that a referral reflects on the clinician who makes it, and I treat that accordingly.
What to Expect for Your Client
Couples who complete the Reset typically return to their individual work more settled and less reactive. The specific dynamic that was consuming session time tends to have shifted — not necessarily resolved in every dimension, but no longer running on automatic. Clients often describe a change in the quality of the relationship itself: more ease, less guardedness, a restored sense of being able to navigate difficult conversations without the familiar sequence taking over.
The work is not a substitute for individual therapy and is not presented as one. The framing throughout is that this is a focused intervention addressing a specific pattern — and that their ongoing individual work remains a separate and distinct resource.
Making a Referral
If you would like to consult before referring — to discuss a specific client situation, ask questions about scope or fit, or simply get a clearer sense of how the work operates — I welcome that conversation. It is a professional exchange between colleagues and carries no obligation.
If you are ready to refer directly, the resources below are designed to make that as straightforward as possible.
Resources
Direct link to the Conflict Pattern Reset page
A single page where both partners can review the work in full and request an initial conversation. This is the most direct referral path for clients who are ready to explore the option.
Brief referral text (copy and paste)
A short paragraph suitable for inclusion in a message or email to a client. Written to introduce the work without overstating it.
I wanted to mention a resource that may be useful. A colleague of mine, Stephen Day, offers a focused six-week process for couples dealing with a recurring conflict pattern — one that keeps running despite good intentions and genuine effort to resolve it. It’s a contained, practical intervention, not open-ended therapy, and it’s designed to run alongside other work rather than replace it. If that sounds relevant to your situation, you can find a full description at the Conflict Pattern Reset page. There’s no commitment in taking a look.
These resources are provided for convenience. There is no formal referral process and no obligation.
If you would like to discuss a potential referral before proceeding:
