I am Stephen Day, and I am a relationship coach. For those who care about such things, I have a list of my education and post-graduate training at the bottom of the page. But I think it’s more important that you know my story.
My wife and I have been together for well over forty years. We moved in together as I was finishing my Yale graduate work. At the time, she was a psychotherapist, and I was studying to become one.
How my wife helped me to realize what I didn’t know
It’s embarrassing to admit it now, but back then, there was a lot I didn’t know about being in a relationship. For example, when we had an argument, after a few angry exchanges, I would leave the apartment and stay away for hours, “cooling off.” When I returned, I never spoke about what had happened, and hoped she wouldn’t either. That was the way my parents did it, and that was what I learned.
One day, when I returned, she asked me, “how do you think I feel when you leave in the middle of a fight?” Truthfully, I had never thought about it. “I feel cut off and abandoned,” she said. I felt awful. I thought she knew that I left so that the fight wouldn’t escalate. I was protecting her.
She explained that it was all right to take a cooling off period, but once you did so, you could then work together to resolve the issue. I was astonished! Couples could work together on their problems? An argument wasn’t just blaming? I began to realize how much I didn’t know about relationships. And I swore I would change that.
How it changed me
With my wife’s help, I learned about working on disagreements collaboratively. I also developed a passion to learn more about relationships. I began reading everything I could lay my hands on about couples and relationships.
As I learned more, I began incorporating it into my work with my psychotherapy clients. At first, I used the newly gained knowledge with individual clients to help them behave differently in their relationships. To my delight, they would come in to the next session, excitedly telling me the difference it was making with their partners.
Then, I began working with couples as well. They often came to the first sessions angry, distant, and sometimes barely even communicating. But frequently very quickly, they would open up,to each other, rediscovering their loving connection and deepening their relationships.
I Become a Relationship Coach
After many years of working as a psychotherapist, I became interested in relationship coaching as a different approach with new techniques for working with people who were not seeking therapy but wanted to change and improve their lives.
I returned to school to take a certificate in life coaching, choosing one of the most highly rated programs in the country. Some of what they taught merely echoed my existing training, but much of it was new and exciting.
By combining my knowledge of nearly forty years of working with clients with these new techniques, I realized that I had developed a unique and powerful approach for helping people change their lives.
Relationship Table and Satisfaction Quiz
Many of the challenges couples come in with can call for the work in one or more of the six categories below.