The Story of a Relationship Coach


I am Stephen Day, and I am a relationship coach. For those who care about such things, I have a list of my education and post-graduate training at the bottom of the page. But I think it’s more important that you know my story.

My wife and I have been together for well over forty years. We moved in together as I was finishing my Yale graduate work. At the time, she was a psychotherapist, and I was studying to become one.

How my wife helped me to realize what I didn’t know

It’s embarrassing to admit, but back then, there was a lot I didn’t know about being in a relationship. For example, when we had an argument, after a few angry exchanges, I would leave the apartment and stay away for hours, “cooling off.” When I returned, I never spoke about what had happened, and hoped she wouldn’t either. That was the way my parents did it,  and that was what I learned.

One day, when I returned, she asked me, “how do you think I feel when you leave in the middle of a fight?” Truthfully, I had never thought about it.  “I feel cut off and abandoned,” she said. I felt awful. I thought she knew that I left so that the fight wouldn’t escalate. I was protecting her.

She explained that it was all right to take a cooling off period, but once you did so, you could then work together to resolve the issue. I was astonished! Couples could work together on their problems? An argument wasn’t just blaming? I began to realize how much I didn’t know about relationships. And I swore I would change that.

How it changed me

With my wife’s help, I learned about working on disagreements collaboratively. I  also developed a passion to learn more about relationships. I began reading everything I could lay my hands on about couples and relationships.

As I learned more, I began incorporating it into my work with my psychotherapy clients. At first, I used the newly gained knowledge with individual clients to help them take a new approach with their partners. To my delight, they would come in to the next session, excitedly telling me the difference it was making in their satisfaction with their relationships..

Then, I began working with couples as well. They often came to the first sessions angry, distant, and sometimes barely even communicating. But frequently very quickly, they would open up,to each other, rediscovering their loving connection and deepening their relationships.

I Become a Relationship Coach

After many years of working as a psychotherapist, I became interested in relationship coaching as a different approach with new techniques for working with people who were not seeking therapy but wanted to change and improve their lives.

I returned to school to take a certificate in life coaching, choosing one of the most highly rated programs in the country. Some of what they taught merely echoed my existing training, but much of it was new and exciting.

By combining my knowledge of nearly forty years of working with clients with these new techniques, I realized that I had developed a unique and powerful approach for helping people change their lives.

If you are having difficulties in one of the six sectors below, call ( at  (212) 873-1427) or contact me to schedule a brief conversation to get you started on the road to having the relationship you desire.


Your Relationship Satisfaction Quiz











Many of the challenges couples come in with can call for the work in one or more of the six categories below.







As a relationship coach with over 40 years of experience, I've helped hundreds of couples find lasting happiness and love.

In  the following table are six important ways that couples interact with each other. The extent to which each partner is satisfied with any of the categories is directly related to their overall satisfaction with the relationship. Many of the problems people bring to relationship coaching involves at least one of these areas. In the table below, each sector has a brief description of the ways that the behavior can be optimized to build a happier, more fulfilling relationship.

You can use this table as a way of evaluating how satisfied you are with your relationship. On a sheet of paper, write down a number from 1 to 10 for each segment, representing how satisfied you feel in that part of your relationship. 10 would be “completely satisfied.,” while 1 would be “not satisfied at all.”

When you are done, here’s how you evaluate it. If any area got a score of 8-9, these are aspects of your relationship that are generally satisfying but could use attention. A score of 6-7 indicates an area that should be worked on. Scores of 5 and below indicate an area that needs immediate attention.



Deepening that special bond of love that connects you through shared activities, spending quality time together, and expressing love in a way that feels loving to both of you. Sharing who you really are. Fostering trust and friendship.

Physical Intimacy

Deepening or rekindling the passion between you. Keeping romance alive. Being lovers as well as partners. Being comfortable with your and your partner’s bodies. Also maintaining affection as well as passion, hugs as well as kisses.

Encouraging and Supporting

Knowing and respecting your partner. Supporting their growth and accomplishment. Being there for them when they need it. Being caring, but able to offer constructive criticism when it is called for and knowing when it is not.


Disagreements happen. The important thing is how you deal with them. Managing anger. Learning to approach problems as partners not adversaries. Being able to compromise so that both partners’ most important needs are met, and nobody feels like they are always giving in.

Sharing Tasks

Whether it is parenting, household tasks, dealing with finances, or the many other things that have to be done, insuring that each partner carries their weight, and neither feels that they are carrying most of the load. Learning how to share in the allotting of tasks.


Talking about the hard things. Learning to really hear what your partner is saying, learning how to say things in a way that they can be heard. Avoiding blame and accusation, to build a real sense of collaboration.




As promised, below is a summary of my training.




B.A. Cum laude University of Pittsburgh

M.Phil Yale University

Post Graduate

Westchester Institute for Training in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis

American Institute for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis

IPEC life coaching institute.

Transformation Institute


Certified Professional Coach

Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach

Certified Relationship Workshop Facilitator

Certified Group Life Coach